Proton unveiled new strategy

Proton earlier today unveiled their latest strategy aimed to reverse the continuously declining sales. The move was said to personify the spirit of Melayu boleh. “We are changing the logo to keris, all our salesmen will have keris too,” Azlan said. “They will wave the keris at prospective buyers, making sure they buy on the spot,” he added. Azlan further predicted that Proton sales will at least double this year. Although described by some analysts as unusual, Proton insiders hailed the strategy as ‘total breakthrough’.

Azlan thanked Proton’s newly appointed advisor, Hishamuddin, for his brilliant idea. “He will single handedly pull us out of this big hole,” Azlan said. Our source in Proton revealed that the company is going to open thousands of branches in China and India soon. “Our advisor told us that the strategy works particularly well on Chinese and Indians,” the source added. “With advisor like this, who needs a CEO?” our source asked. Proton said that they will continue the keris waving strategy until the company achieves at least 30% market share in both China and India.

“Their product is top-notch, their design is second to none, their quality is world class,” Hishamuddin said. “The only problem is in the sales and marketing strategy,” he added. “We don’t need foreign CEO and advisors to tell us. We have proven a proven strategy that has worked for generations,” he stressed further.

Praising the move, Najib hailed Proton as a true Glocal company. "They applied what works locally to the global stage. All companies must emulate them," he said.

While the search of the new CEO is said to be ongoing, Proton is also said to be working on a major strategy to get people to come to its showrooms. A visit to a local Proton showroom yesterday revealed that most of the time the salesmen were waving their keris at each other. As of yesterday, among those identified as possible CEO are Abubakar the janitor, Ali the security guard, and Amat the cook. All have worked for exactly 12 years in the company. They are also said to be very experienced.

Elsewhere, upon hearing that some of Katrina’s victims are going to board cruise ships as temporary shelter, former tsunami survivors said that they are really grateful to be Malaysians. “The money is not here yet, but at least we don’t have to be boat people,” Masih bin Basah said.